


The Box

by ZaliaChimera



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Character Death, Depression, F/M, Immortality, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Letters, Love Confessions, Season/Series 03, Season/Series 03 Spoilers, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 06:05:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10237472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaliaChimera/pseuds/ZaliaChimera
Summary: Janine receives a gift, but it may be more than she can bear.Spoilers up to the end of Season 3.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers up to the end of Season 3.

“He asked me to deliver these to you in the event of… well.”

Amelia’s words are clipped, even sharper than they had been before London. Janine could let her mind run wild with theories about the taut words, but she has never been one to dwell on other people’s emotions. She does not need to know.

Part of her does not want to know what Simon had been to her. What she had been to him.

The box that Amelia hands over is small, square, wooden, and carved badly with a pattern she thinks may be a constellation. It could just be the mistakes of an amateur.

“Thank you,” Janine replies, her thumbs smooth against the rough wood, the brass hinges dull with tarnish. Her words are just as clipped. The corner of Amelia’s mouth curves up briefly but Janine does not speculate on what that means.

“I told him to throw it away after the first hundred times he cursed you,” Amelia says, and Janine’s breath hitches, her chest tightening. “He told me I was a bitch who needed to mind my own business,” Amelia continues, and Janine doesn’t care to examine that smile to discover the exact shade of emotion that it conveys. “He was very insistent.”

“I see,” Janine says. She resists the urge to clutch the box to her chest, or alternatively to hurl it away from her to smash against the wall.

“Well, I believe this concludes our contract,” Amelia says. “Lovely working with you. We should really do it again sometime.” False sincerity covers all wounds and Amelia is a master of it. Janine knows better this time but she can allow the woman her lies. This once, she can allow it.

“Of course. I consider your debt paid in full. If you ever betray me or my town again, Miss Spens, there is nothing that will stop me from shooting you.”

Amelia laughs. Her footsteps fade. Janine is alone.

———-

Janine.

 

I told Amy to give you this if I didn’t make it back from London. Heh. Stupidest idea ever. Dunno if she will. For all I know you’re reading this and smiling ‘cause some crazy hippy’s fucked with your head and all you can do is be happy.

For all I know I’m the same. Or dead. Or maybe tied up somewhere being eaten over and over again. Think I read a story like that once, a guy got his guts pecked out every day but they just grew back. Over and over and over again.

I’m probably still alive. You’ll probably never see this. I’ll get drunk, laugh at this 'cause it’s pointless. Burn it. Don’t look! Don’t read it Jenny! Stop it! Stop! Please just forget me.

Simon.

–——–

Janine.

Oh now you want me. Now you come crawling back, begging for help. You want me now when I’m useful. When I can do stuff none of your other precious, loyal runners can.

I see right through you. I know what this is.

———-

Jenny, I- I’m healed. No more mask. I got better Jenny. It’s- I don’t like to call it a miracle but- my face, Jenny. My hand! I dunno how and it hurts like hell, but I’m whole again. I know I don’t deserve it but… but I wish you could it. You might not even recognise me. I’m writing this now with my new hand. Sorry for the mistakes. It’s a bit shaky still. Raw. Bloody.

–——–

I love you Jenny.

I love you

I love you

I love you so much.

I love you

I love you

I love you

I’m sorry.

–———

1st injection today. The professor said it was supposed to hurt but that was… I thought I was burning up from the inside.

He says the 2nd will come if I do what he says in Doc Myers lab. I don’t- she looks so happy about. Everyone does.

–——–

Night in the farmhouse. Never thought I’d be saying that. Janine’s a bit harsh even in the bedroom but damn if she doesn’t know her way around a few knots. I could get used to this. She’s hot as hell too. Not gonna argue with spending the night in a real bed either.

–——–

Wish you could see me now Jenny. You’d like that wouldn’t you? See me back in Abel so you could string me up, cut me open like I’m not already spoiled goods, so much rotting meat. Put my head on a pike. I know what you’re like. I know. One slip up, one mistake and you turn on them, turn on me. You’re just as rotten as I am. Just as fucked up and black inside. I could tell them all. Tell them the stuff you don’t want them to know. First sign of grey and they’ll be gone. First sign they’re not as squeaky white and they’ll see.

–———

ithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsomuchjenny

–——–

Test 1: Drowning. Thought it would work but I floated back up. Headache. Never thrown up so much.

Test 2: Bleach. Burns a bit. Kind of tingly. Dettol definitely best tasting brand.

Test 3: Hanging. Wonder if the bruises will heal.

Test 4: Medication. Not sure if not working or just expired meds.

Test 5: Knife. I don’t think it matters how much I bleed anymore, but at least it feels like something.

–———-

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never- I never meant for things to go this far. I never meant for anyone to get hurt. I’m sorry. I love you and I’m sorry and I can’t stop now and you’ll hate me and I deserve it and you deserve better so much better and I am so. so. Sorry Jenny.

–——–

I know you’ll find this. I know you will. Tenacious to a fault. Are you happy now? Happy seeing where I am? Seeing what a monster I am? The outside matches the inside now Jenny. Do you like it, seeing what I am? Knowing what I’ve become.

I hate you.

–——–

I wish I could ask you for help, but I’m a monster. I’m in too deep.

———-

I don’t know what to do Jenny. Help me.

 

–——–

 

I think you’re beautiful Janine de Luca. Never met anyone like you. You’re strong and beautiful and I think I’m falling in love with you.

My Jenny.

Love Si.


End file.
